1. His compliments feel
like too much.
Like any athlete, he’s put his practice time in,
and he knows the tricks of his sport. It’s easy to
become blinded by flattery, especially when it’s
coming from a guy who you’re into — but if he’s
known you for two weeks and he says you’re
“the most incredible person I’ve ever met,”
realize that this, while possibly true, is also
possibly a play out of the weasel handbook.
2. He frequently doesn’t
answer your texts until
the next morning.
You spent all of last night staring at your phone
in 30-second intervals. Maybe there was
something wrong with your cell service? Should
you call your provider? Then, right smack in the
middle of your work day, he finally hits you back
with the story of how he fell asleep or
accidentally got too drunk to come over.
If you were his main squeeze, he would’ve
anticipated your text just as much as you were
anticipating his. He may indeed have fallen
asleep … at some other girl’s house.
3. He never wants to go
out.
People who are going out … go out. If he’s
keeping you hidden like some dirty little secret,
that is likely what you are to him.
4. He has a generic
nickname for you.
Bae. Babe. Hun. What these names have in
common, beyond their inherent obnoxious
qualities, is that they are interchangeable and
perfect for the fella with far more baes than he
deserves.
5. He never wants to
cuddle.
There must be a day at d-bag school when they
tell you that if you don’t cuddle with a girl, then
you can’t possibly be accused of manipulating
her emotions. If he shies away from spooning
and jumps out of bed as soon as you guys are
done, this is his way of “protecting your
feelings.” Let him spread that good samaritan
spirit elsewhere.
6. He “jokingly” insults
you.
Another common player trick, popularized by
“The Jerk’s Guide to the Universe” (aka “The
Game”), is “negging,” or attempting to woo a girl
by subtly insulting her. Examples of this are
statements like, “I bet you look really hot in a
shirt that actually fits you right.” Be on the
lookout for this asinine behavior, and tell him to
try peddling his sleazy wares elsewhere. (He
already is anyway.)
7. He’s always hesitant to
make set plans.
He thinks he can hang out Friday, because he
knows there’s a chance some other girl will hit
him up. Don’t let yourself be his last best option.
Set this dude free and save your Fridays for
something more productive and meaningful …
like re-watching all of “Gossip Girl.”
8. There are pictures of
other women all over
his Facebook.
Maybe that’s his platonic friend. Perhaps that’s
an old picture of an ex. Probably those are all
your Eskimo sisters. There’s a reason for
stalking men on Facebook: we should never let
sleeping dogs lie to us. Snap out of denial and
unfriend this fool faster than he can try to guess
your cup size.
The players in the house, I call on you to add more to the list.cool
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